Workin’ Hard, or Hardly Workin’?

I had something pretty rotten happen to me this semester at CSU, and I don’t really want to talk about in detail here, because there will be a letter written to the head of the department about it, so I don’t want to get academically-dooced or anything.  But, when this semester is over, I’ll reveal a little bit more about it.

Part of the aftermath of this academic nuclear winter is that I’m taking a nice long metaphoric look in the mirror and trying to evaluate myself as not just a student, but as a productive member of society.  In many of the endeavors that I’ve had to tackle, I’ve usually half-assed it and come out above average and been okay with that, satisfied in the knowledge that if I really wanted to, I could be awesome.  Lately, I’m noticing that I have to work very hard in these business classes to keep up to speed.  I’m wondering if part of this is just because the material is so advanced, or because I’m cashing in some negative karma-points for my hubris about my intelligence level.  Coupling this with some of my self-doubting in my professional life, I feel borderline deficient.

I’m just feeling a little burned out and panicky right now, and starting to compare myself to everyone else, asking myself why I’m not succeeding the way I wanted to.  Of course, the super-ego says, “don’t be silly – perfection takes practice” but my id is throwing an epic meltdown that would make a two-year-old proud.

I’m just pissed because I’m not perfect.

Everybody’s Free

Saturday was the Solstice, and six months later, I got to see my hard work applied.  It felt very good.  Word from the city was that we had a turnout of 2,000, and hopefully, we’ll be able to put it on again next year.  I think six months is enough time for me to forget how ridiculously stressed out I was in the last week.

On Friday morning, I was on TV for promotion of SuSo – but don’t get all excited, greater Cleveland only saw my face for about 10 seconds, and my voice for about five.  But, I can now say that I’ve met someone I’ve seen on TV (Kenny Crumpton), and been on TV.

Someone should have asked me the day of now what I was going to do, I may have even been flip and said, “I’m going to Disneyland.” But no, I’m going to focus back on graduate school, and working on making money with MK.

Some important things I learned that I will apply next year:

• Stay organized: write everything down; take 15 minutes a day to go over emails that have been passed, collecting forms needed for next year, keeping a file running.
• I will not be taking another 6-week class at the beginning of the summer if I am one of the co-directors for SuSo next year.  I fell ridiculously behind in everything I was doing because I tried to be in class two days a week for the major month of SuSo planning.
• Wear sunscreen.  Seriously, not even in a Baz Luhrman kind of way.  Wear sunscreen.

Though, to be fair, I don’t think I would have been absent from StyckyWycket quite so long had I not taken on as much, I cannot blame SuSo for that.  So, as I can close the binder for the most part on this ridiculously epic project, I’m going to sit back, reevaluate what extra-curriculars and developments are priorities for me, and get started making them happen.  The worst way to move forward from this experience would be to not see this as a wonderful re-starting point.

Where’s Waldo?

I disappeared through the entire months of April and May, because both of my jobs, school, and Shaker Arts Council were eating my life.  It feels nice to not navel-gaze anymore, but I would very much like some time to breathe.

CSU still managed to screw up my Financial Aid to the point where my Spring tuition had to go onto my parents credit card, to be reimbursed by my company when all the requisite paperwork gets processed.  My favorite part of the whole mess: no one can tell me just how many credit hours I need to qualify for financial aid.  Is it six? Four? Three?  Tell me how it is that The Boy got loans for his schooling, and he took three credit hours per semester?

Shaker Arts Council has been clipping along at a decent pace.  I looked at the calendar in my lunch business meeting yesterday and nearly plotzed when I realized that we only have two-ish weeks to finish.  It’s really been great, but since this is my first year making sure everything is getting taken care of, on top of two jobs and part-time school, I’m really looking forward to this being over with.  Then, if we are able to do this next year, and I am still wanted to be a co-director, I will at least have some better experience for how everything is supposed to go.

But, I’m trying to stay upbeat, I’m still doing a lot of learning, I think I did a lot of growing up in the last two months since you’ve seen me, and I promise I will make a better effort to not disappear for such a long time again.

Kiss My Grits

I spoke too soon when I mentioned that CSU and I had come to a mutual agreement on how my tuition was going to be paid.

Great Lakes Loan has passed my loan information on to CSU, but they are not processing it through their Financial Aid or Treasurers Office.  It’s been two months!  And now, Fall Registration runs through the 9th of this month, and after that, I’ll be screwed if my classes get closed out.

I’ve been in Financial Aid Limbo since the beginning of this week, when I finally “opened a ticket” to “get the problem looked at.”  I speak business, I know what this means – it means that the right hand has no idea what the left hand is doing, and someone in one department will actually at this point pick up a damn phone and start fixing the problem.  I wish I had leaned on the call center person a little harder so I could actually get the phone number to a living, breathing human being in Financial Aid to get this fixed.  I tend to be more effective when I don’t have to rely on someone else.

On my latest phone call disaster, I asked the woman manning the phone lines for Financial Aid what I was supposed to do if I was closed out of a class because CSU couldn’t figure out their anus from their elbow.  Of course, the cursory, “You’ll have to get the proper signatures.”  Nice, except I work 40 hours a week for my living which will help pay the loans that they are not processing.  When exactly, do I tell my employer to kiss my grits, I’m taking a day off of work because I need to get a single signature for a class I got closed out of because of CSU’s incompetence?

My favorite part is that I received my third notice of payment remittance from CSU on Friday.  I wonder how quickly the departments will actually talk together to push my loan information through when they realize that I am not signing any checks to them?

Funds

Well, making sure that this semester’s tuition got paid turned into a major clusterfuck.  While I’m sitting and waiting for Federal Student Aid that will never come (apparently, I don’t meet the credit hour requirement for the loan I was applying for – again, information that would have been good to know months ago), CSU is starting to get ants in their pants because they’re not getting paid.

My favorite part of the whole experience was calling what was introduced to me as the campus operator, asking to be transfered to the Financial Aid office, and having the guy tell me, “Well, I can help you with that.”  Not helping direct my call, but actually fulfilling my financial aid needs.  I felt like I went to the local bait shop for some legal advice.

So, here I am again, zero-hour mode, frantically trying to get the paperwork pushed for a Stafford loan, hoping that I can plead my sob story to the treasurer so that I don’t get nailed with late fees on the tuition payment.  Ugh, you’d have thought that since I’m turning 25 in a month, I would have learned to have gotten my shit together better.

Oh, and for anyone that is interested, you can check out this blog post, the subject of which is causing a little furor amongst various constituents in Cleveland.  Basically, as a CSU student, I get the privilege of paying $25 for unlimited public transit access.  Which would be cool, I guess, except that I live in Geauga county, which has no public transit, and therefore, no connection with the public transportation for Cuyahoga county, and there’s no opt-out for the fee.  …Great.

So, while I’m down at CSU this Friday, begging for mercy at the treasurer’s office, maybe I can wheedle my way out of this ridiculous bus thing.